I might be in desperate need of a shower, after living through today's steamy-hot Malaysian weather.

However, I think I could spare a while to blog about what I'm thinking about right now.

I have found myself, again, embracing the 90 degree angle view of a part of Kuala Lumpur from my window right now. I've switched off the lights in my bedroom so I could see the lights clearly. It's beautiful, did I mention? It really looks like Coruscant from Star Wars. If you don't know, Coruscant is a planet that is a whole city itself. I'd take a picture of this view, but I'm just too lazy to move from my chair and retrieve my digital camera.

I'm playing a friendly tennis tournament this Saturday. It should be alot of fun, and interesting, so to speak. I really suck at playing real tennis games with other people. It's a whole new experience to me. I've played with people I know, and who I know their game. But this Saturday will be very different. It'll give me the opportunity to put my 'improved' skills at hand, and to use them in-game. I hope I feel improvement in my performance.

Ri and I had dindins with dad and his wife (basically, our stepmum). Just had a simple little meal at a Chinese restaurant, where practically everyone knows my dad. Well hello Mr. Popular. And someone was getting all the phone calls and messages that night! Anyway, dad gave Ri and I both some holiday allowance to spend. During the last holidays, I kept withdrawing money from the ATM machine in KL because I could get RM 150 in a day's drawing. I was limited to AUD$ 50 a day. I withdrew what I think summed up to AUD$300. That is ALOT of money for me. Dad had a row with me, but still agreed to top up my account, thankfully. I've learnt my lesson. I really have. So now, he has decided to give us pocket money, so we wouldn't have to use our ATM money in KL. Whatever made him happy, eh? :)

A small apartment, suitable for a small group of friends. I'm having a little 'gathering' (I like to call it) at our new unit this weekend. Nothing special. Nothing fantastic. It's just a small group of friends gathering at our new small apartment unit. Just like old times. Most of us will be infront of the TV, teaming up against each other in the realm of HALO 2. Some, or perhaps one or two will be on my laptop or jamming it off on the guitar in my bedroom. If there was anyone left, they'd be waiting for their turn on the plasma gun.

I miss those old times. When we had the house. Now, it's all downsize and downsize and downsize. It won't be the same again.

But whatever. We move on. Life won't wait for us.
We move out of houses
and we move into houses.
It's the same principle as meeting people.
You meet someone
and you lose contact with someone.

It's a sad little equation, but oh well!

Equations. Reminds me: I've got to get studying!! I brought all these books back and I haven't touched one of them yet! I've only got less than 2 weeks of holidays left, then I'm back in Sydney working my laziness off for the most hardest weeks of the year.

You know, I think I'll never be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I don't think I should even consider it. It shouldn't be an option for me. I don't want to care about little trends like these. I just want to move on in life and be merry. It's like a dinner at the famous and expensive Tetsuya's. Good education is what I'm eating off the starter plates at the moment. A little later, the heavier dishes start to come out as the main.

I was telling myself that I shouldn't consider such relationships. Friends and family support is all I need. Besides that, I'm a strong pessimist and I strongly believe that I will never find myself happy in a relationship with another person. I gave up having crushes a long time ago, and I made myself believe that you'll never get a boyfriend unless you're pretty and cool and all the things i'm not. I also made myself believe that no one liked me. I thought everyone was against me, from the way they looked at me and the way they treated me as a friend. I was so curious and observant of every little detail infront of me. Hell, even if someone made a scornful face behind my back, but while I was watching, I'd think they hated me. They're stupid theories, but that's what I fed myself with when I was much younger. I already figured good things couldn't happen to me because I was just so incapable of things and in many things. I can't do this, I can't do that.

Sometimes I wonder,
when will I ever stop thinking this way?

Never. I see no future in changing the way I think and my beliefs. I am, quite honestly, hopeless. But no fear. It doesn't matter. You see, I don't care. Why should I? There's no great reason to feel hopeful for something that has no future in my life. It'd be a waste of time if I thought any better. And besides, I'd be believing in something that might not even happen. How would I feel if I had that said right infront of my face? Heck, how would you feel?

"I'm sorry, but you're not going to get married and have children with this person. You're going to die young and live on a low income till then. Good bye."

Err, ouch?

Then again. It's 11.42 PM (GMT 8+), which is 1.42PM in GMT 10+ (Sydney's timezone), and I am a little tired. You know what people who are just a little tired can do. Blabber on about things that are kept in a folder right at the far end of a drawer, which is unconsciously placed at the back alley of one's mind.

Please
excuse me :)
Cheers.

PS. Tomorrow is my ex-Maths teacher,
Mr Lawrence Grant-Lapre's birfday.
May the force of Maths be with him.
(No matter how much I don't understand it)